Today was Deidre's and Drake's last day on DOOL. I wrote about them when I heard they were fired, when I heard they were leaving. But now, it's actually here. It's so...final. And, it's over. I put off watching the last episode for awhile tonight. And I also have been working on what I am going to post at the end of this entry for a few hours. I am exhausted. Physically and emotionally.

I watched the last episode, and cried. A lot. I thought I might cry, but I didn't think it would affect me like this. And honestly, even though I really didn't like the way they were written off, I think this last episode was beautiful. And that's because of Deidre and Drake. It wasn't just John and Marlena talking to each other, professing their love for each other. It was Deidre talking to Drake, telling him how much she loves him. They have worked together for 23 years. They have been on-screen lovers. (And who knows, maybe off-screen, too.) They must have an incredible bond. I think they always have. But you could just SEE it in this last episode. Their eye contact was so intense. And they were just looking at each other with such love, respect, and sadness. That is what killed me. It didn't matter that there were other people in the room; I only saw them. And it seemed that they only saw each other.

Yes, these are actors on a soap opera. I understand that. But when I fell in love with them, I was about 15. My parents' marriage was falling apart. I spent a lot of time alone. And they helped me escape, helped me believe in something bigger than myself, to believe in true love. There was no such thing around me in my life. But they gave me hope that it really did exist, even if they were fictional. But most importantly, they gave me some of the most amazing friendships in my life. Friends that I still have in my life. I met so many people because of them. People all over the country, the world. And we were instantly bonded because of these two. There was a group of us that became really close. And a few of them are still some of my best friends in the world. I think of Jess and Tash especially. Two people I would have never known if it weren't for Deidre and Drake. I know my life would have been different without these two. They have helped me through a lot. I have helped them through a lot as well. And we've always been there for each other, through thick and thin. I love them both very much. I am grateful to Deidre and Drake for bringing these girls, and many other friends, into my life.

I don't know what else to say, really. They were my first love, my first ship. And they will always be the best couple in my mind. The first ship I think is the strongest. Because they set the bar, really. And these two certainly set a very high bar. I've never seen another couple have this kind of chemistry. It makes me so sad to know that is over. At least I have the memories (and my DVDs hehe). Thank you Deidre and Drake (and John and Marlena) for all the memories, the friendships, and the love.

Now, onto my "tribute." I made a John & Marlena mix for you all to enjoy. And honestly, you don't have to love John and Marlena to enjoy this mix. I think this is a great compilation of songs, and I hope you enjoy it too! These are songs that they have played for J&M over the years or just songs that remind me of them. (And thanks to Liz and Elsie for helping me think of songs to create this final mix.) I got a little crazy with the front cover, but I couldn't pick just one picture. I also couldn't limit the tracklisting to less than 26 hahaha.








Download Mix (and Cover Art)

Also, just because I feel like it...


(Oh, and let me know if there is anything wrong with the mix. If a song doesn't work, or if it needs to be reuploaded...)